2020

I've tried to write about this year multiple times now but it always seems to come out wrong.

The first time I wrote about it I focused on all the difficult things I learned I could endure this year. The capability I have to get through hard things.

Then I read through it and it felt like a farce because I didn't do any of those things alone.

I may have been physically alone for a lot of this year but I was supported the whole time. I spoke to my family every day, and they were my light, my joy and my peace through the dark spots of this year. They gave me the strength to do those things that on first glance I thought I did all on my own.

So then the second time I wrote about them, but I still couldn't find the right words.

And now I'm trying again. To summarize a year I never saw coming and will probably never see the likes of again into a couple paragraphs.

And I still can't really find the words.

This year was confusing and strange and sad and lonely in a lot of ways but also really beautiful in others. And it's hard to write about because I can't give it an overarching theme, a string tying it all together because so much of it I can't make sense of.

I went through a lot this year that even after multiple attempts I can't completely describe. I felt more connected to myself as a person than I ever have before this year and I feel like I'm starting to understand myself as a human being. But I don't know how to write it down and make sense of what that feels like outside of the confines of my own brain.

And maybe I leave 2020 like this. Trying my best to make sense of it all.

And maybe that's enough.